End of Week One

It's the start of week two and I can honestly say that the past week, other than reflection, I haven't done much to focus on my spirituality.

I am currently on vacation, staying at my in-laws. My own mother just lives down the street from my mother-in-law. Mother is a nondenominational-Protestant pastor. I took my daughters to her church on Sunday and they had done the Last Supper/Holy Communion/Sacrament that day. I can honestly say that I don't like her church. The people there are nice enough, don't misunderstand, it's just the feeling of the whole institution. I felt out of place. I hadn't been there since my middle child was about 9 months old, and now, with my third child at 10 months, it may have just been the large gap in time. Then again, time doesn't really matter to me. If I feel comfortable in an area, it doesn't matter if I've been there before or if a large time has elapsed since my last visit. I will always enjoy it.

I felt horribly awkward on Sunday. I left immediately after the service was over. My daughters had had a decent time, but even they preffered going to the Latter Day Saints church and even the Jehovah's Witnesses' Kingdom Hall over my mother's church. I just did NOT like the vibe I was getting in that institution. I enjoyed seeing old friends, but I could have had a better time bumping into them at a barbeque.

Faith focus was accidently put on the back burner. I've been spending time with my family and enjoying the free time with friends. I rarely get to do that back home without my kids, so I've been enjoying my time. Maybe this week I'll do a bit of study on my refresher course.

Day Two: Reflections: Birthday

Today marked my 24th birthday. I was bombarded with e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and other forms of electronic messaging, all wishing me a wonderful and happy birthday. It made me realize just how blessed I am to have so many wonderful people in my life.

I spent the day with my family. Though I am obviously old enough to go to a club or bar, get drunk and party, I'm not that kind of girl. I had a few errands to run, which I did, but I enjoyed spending this time with my husband and daughters. They are special to me and having another year of my life spent with them is a blessing. Even though my children were acting like they had just snorted crack and were high on life, I liked having shared my birthday with them. Having all these people take the time, if even just a second, to wish me a happy birthday had me appreciating the time I've spent on this planet.

So my reflection for today was focused on how wonderful the people I have in my life are. Yes, they are human and have their moments of what-the-fuckery and hatefulness, but they are there for me, and I for them. I appreciate any time they give me. I know sometimes it is not always easy to take the time to just say a hello or a kind word, but the fact that someone out there does that for me makes me feel...I don't have words to express it. It's positive and priceless; that's all I can say about it.

I have been blessed by having friends who call me at midnight to say hi and wish me a great day, who message me at the end of the day to make sure that I had a great day. I have siblings who made a contest to see who wished me a happy birthday first (ready, set, SEND!) and a mother who mentioned how dumb my siblings can be. I have a mother in law who took the time to ask me if there was something special I wanted to for birthday, and a bunch of friends who not only wished me a happy birthday, but attached a fond memory to make sure I had a smile. I couldn't ask for more. Yes, my house is a mess. Yes, I still need to pack for my trip to visit family. Yes, I'm anxious and stressed. my joints hurt thanks to this humidity, and my children are bat-shit crazy, but I couldn't ask for more. I am loved and wish to love in return.

What small thing are you blessed with that you take for granted?

Day One: Reflection: Some Goals

Finally! The first of the month is here! Have I mentioned that I am super excited? Can you tell?

We're going on vacation in 3 days, so I've been busy cleaning the house, packing, and making sure things are in order. I will probably continue this until Thursday when I hope everything is done. I don't want to panic at all on Friday. So today, between my shifts of schoolwork (even though I am a week ahead), dishes, and errands, I've been taking time out for a bit of reflection. I have some goals I hope to accomplish by this time next year or sooner. I've been organizing them in my head while I sit and meditate.

I am not happy with my weight. If I don't end up pregnant again, which seems to be the norm here, I hope to have lost twenty pounds. It's true that I could probably do this within a couple of months, but I'm not happy with my personal eating habits either, and that's going to take some time to change. We'll see how it's gone at the end of the year.

My marriage needs a little work, I think. It's nothing drastic, or dramatic; we're good communicators, but in times of stress, we seem to take it out on each other. I, at least, go to therapy to vent to a shrink for an hour once a month and come home feeling refreshed. I also smoke, which is a nasty habit. I hope to find other, healthier, outlets for stress. I don't want to end up bitter and grumpy. I like being perky.

I will be making a lot of adjustments, both in my life and in this house, within the next twelve months, and only a few house projects will be easy. I want this house, like my soul, to feel like sacred space. I don't care that my husband is atheist and doesn't give a damn about theology, but I do and I want to incorporate it into our lifestyle as comfortably as will be allowed. J is okay with me being religious, he just doesn't want any religion shoved down his throat.

More reflection to follow.